So Cold
by Whiskey Rose
Summary: Gilbert realizes just what kind of person Ivan is. When he seeks comfort from Elizabeta, Ivan loses control. So Cold by Breaking Benjamin


_**Crowded streets are cleared away. One by one.**_

It was not easy to love a man like Ivan. He was cold, calculating, and sadistic. But that did not stop Gilbert. He loved this man when no one else would. He was the only one who understood and accepted the Russian's temper. His sick and twisted thoughts. They way he loved was different from others. But that was alright. The Prussian accepted it.

As they walked the streets of Moscow, Gilbert could not help but look around him. In the shop windows were things he would love to buy, to play with. He was a naturally curious being. But he wasn't allowed. He was never allowed. It would not please Ivan. That is what he had to do to ensure his love would not stop. Gilbert needed him.

Day after day, the Prussian started to notice other people. Not in a sexual or attractive way. No. He was merely observing. A few married couples were at a restaurant, sitting on the patio. They spoke of old times. Of adventures they had together. The way the women looked at the men… there was love there. Obvious love. Deep love. Perhaps even true love.

He felt a tug and looked up to see the Russian smiling at him. The look in his amethyst eyes was not one of love. It was almost of lust and pleasure. Pleasure from what? Gilbert could not figure out what was so pleasing to the man. It was then he received another tug and started his way back home.

_**You're so cold. Keep your hand in mine. Wise men wonder while strong men die.**_

He couldn't breathe. He tried. God, how he tried. But it was hard. Slowly, he forced air into his lungs. A sharp pain in his side pushed the air right back out as he grunted. This injury had to be a broken rib. Possibly two. Yet this was not the worst injury that he had received from Ivan's loving hands. Gilbert looked up to see the face of his tormentor. The same look of pleasure on his face.

It was not later until he realized the reason for that pleasure. This was one of the rare times Ivan was out of the house. While he tended to ignore Gilbert when they were in private, he was always around to ensure that the Prussian did not run away. That was a silly notion because he knew he was not going to leave. He loved Ivan.

Roderich sat beside him, sipping tea. He had always been a delicate man. Gilbert remembered when they were children. Elizabeta and he used to beat up the Austrian. Simply because it was fun. Somehow, that had changed to a friendship. It was strained at times, but most of the time they were fine. And right now, they were simply enjoying each other's company. Gilbert had even eaten a little bit of the cake that was brought.

"You know, Gilbert…" He started to say before setting his cup on the table. "I do not understand why you are in a relationship with Ivan." Roderich was polite in his tone but there was a look of worry in his eyes.

"I know that not a lot of people understand but—" Gilbert was cut off as his broken rib was jarred. He had spoken too fast. He took a breath in and released it slowly before continuing. "That is simply something you will have to deal with. I love Ivan. And he loves me."

"No, he does not!" The Austrian hissed, trying to speak low. Ivan may not be home but he knew better than to trust the man's house. "He is using you for his own amusement. You are the only one blind to it."

Before Gilbert had a chance to defend his love, Ivan rested a hand on the Prussian's shoulder. "Ah, Austria. To what do we owe this honor?"

He was smiling. That was good, right? Gilbert couldn't remember. All he could think of was Roderich in the hands of Ivan the Terrible. He had to stop it. He could not let the Austrian know such pain. Pain? Why did he think of the Russian as a monster. He loved him right.

Gilbert was jerked out of his thoughts as Ivan leaned over Roderich. His words were barely starting to register. "You know, Austria, you should stay and have fun with us. You like fun, da?"

There was that look again. Lust. Pure lust. But Ivan was not looking at him. Why was he looking at Roderich that way? This made no sense. Gilbert stood up, wincing as he forgot about his rib when he did so. "How dare you?" He didn't realize he had screamed until he looked at Roderich and Ivan.

Ivan's smile faded. Now he just looked angry. Gilbert shook his head, tears blinding him. He knew that the Russian was speaking but he did not know the words. "No! No more of your lies! I am done!" Had he just said that? Was he really done with Ivan? But, he loved him. Why was he doing this?

Gilbert never got the chance to say anything else. Roderich had grabbed his arm and lead him outside. The Russian had not followed. At least, that is what he assumed. Neither one of them turned to look. He was free.

_**Show me how it ends. It's alright. Show me how defenseless you really are.**_

_He was free_. Gilbert could hardly believe it. But was this what he wanted? He had spent years living with Ivan. Years loving him. Years being his pet. His pet. He was never loved. That was the only conclusion he could think of. If Ivan had loved him, wouldn't he have come for him? All Gilbert heard was rumors. The Russian had started to torment Lithuania again. How easily the love was thrown away.

There was only one person he could think of to visit. Elizabeta. He had learned from Austria about their divorce. Perhaps she could shed some light on Gilbert's twisted feelings about leaving Ivan. It may have been almost a year since he'd been with him, but something was holding him back. He should not think about that part of his life anymore. This was something new. New chapter. Maybe that is what frightened him.

She was surprised to see him but welcomed him into her small Hungarian home. It was strange seeing Elizabeta in what appeared to be normal clothes. Not her uniform or her maid outfit. She just smiled and took his hand, leading him to the kitchen.

It was then he realized he was starving. Since he had left Ivan, Gilbert's health started to decline. Elizabeta would have noticed right away. He wanted to complain as she set food down in front of him but it had been so long since he'd had her cooking. He barely registered that she set down another plate. Had he eaten the first?

Through his haze, he began to hear Elizabeta speaking. She asked him about his relationship. How he was feeling. If he wanted to stay with her. Once he took a pause from eating, he answered. Of course he would stay with her. If it helped him out of this depression, he'd do anything. She was then hugging him. Why couldn't he keep up with her movements? He needed to stop looking at the world through a veil. He was here. He should actually pay attention.

"I love you, Gilbert. You are my best friend and I am glad to see you are alive." He felt her hand cover his. "I will help you through this."

_**If you find your family, don't you cry. In this land of make-believe, dead and dry.**_

So Gilbert found himself living with his childhood friend. While her gender changed, he still loved spending time with her. It was not long before he laughed again. They were both shocked by the action and ended up in tears, hugging each other. Each milestone was marked that way. The Prussian had forgotten what it was like to feel anything.

One night, they were drinking and swapping war stories. While neither of them had had many relationships, the ones they did seemed to be the worst. Though, he was curious to hear what she had to say about her political marriage to Austria. It could not have been that bad, right?

"Well, the first relationship I ever had was with Sadiq." She took another drink before continuing. "He captured me, wanted to force me to side with him to spare my people. So, I did. But I was not willing to climb into his bed."

This information shocked him. How was Austria not her first? Wasn't that how it was told to him? He knew that Hungary had disappeared for a little bit but had never learned the reason. He had been too busy with his own country. But she continued her story.

"Sadiq did not like that much. He would torture me, leave me barely alive, and then nurse me back to health. It took a good amount of time, but I eventually gave in. Once I did that, he forgot all about me." She moved then. Her drink went on the table and she pulled her knees to her chest. She could not look at him anymore.

Gilbert knew all too well the pain she was feeling. Ivan had done nearly the same thing. But Gilbert had gone willingly to him. Elizabeta was broken down. He set his drink beside hers and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I know how you feel, Eliza. Ivan may not have forced me into anything but he did… he did some terrible things to me. I knew that people told me he was cruel, but I did not believe he would be that way with me. Ever. Even when he was breaking bones and cutting me open. All I saw was the person I loved."

Elizabeta looked over at him with a faint smile. Before he had a chance to react, she leaned over and pressed her lips to his. He nearly leapt off the couch. He was on the other side of the room in a heartbeat. He kept muttering the word no as he shook his head. This could not be happening. This would not happen! He wouldn't let it. He didn't need anyone. He had himself.

She took his hand, speaking softly. Her words barely registered. "Gilbert. I am sorry. You are my best friend and the drinks made me do that. I know that you are hurting. Please, Gilbert…" Eliza's hand cupped his cheek. His head turned so he was now facing her. "I only want to help. That will never happen again, okay? You have to trust me. All I want to do is help."

He noticed that she kept saying that. She wanted to help. She wanted to help. Then why would she have done such a thing? How could she? Elizabeta knew how he felt. What he had been through. But part of him believed her. It was not until he realized he was in bed that her words started to sink in. She was telling the truth. She was sorry and only wanted to help.

_**You're so cold but you feel alive. Lay your hand on me one last time.**_

It had only been a week since that incident. And Elizabeta was true to her world. She never made another move or even hinted at it. But she was still at his side when he needed her. Even though all this, she was still his best friend.

Then it happened. Ivan came to visit. He was not invited. His intention was to take Gilbert back with him. The first thought in the Prussian's head was one of attitude. _Did he get bored with Lithuania already?_ The next thought was one of curiosity. _Does he really love me? He did come back for me._ He had almost stepped into the man's embrace. But something was in the way.

Elizabeta. Why was she standing between them? It took a moment for him to come out of his daze. He wanted to hear what was going on.

"Get out, Ivan! You have no business being here. Gilbert does not want to be with you anymore. You made the choice to ignore him for a year. Leave. Now." She stood tall. Even as the Russian towered over her.

"I came back to get my Gilbert. Perhaps you should let him decide."

The Prussian froze. He _did_ want him back. He should go. Now. Before Ivan had a chance to change his mind. But Eliza was still in the way. She still wouldn't move.

"No, Ivan. You have twisted his mind enough. Now, get out of my house!"

It was then Gilbert noticed Ivan had his pipe out. His knuckles were white as he gripped it in anger. Before the Prussian could say anything, Elizabeta fell to the side. The world went silent. He stood there, frozen with fear. He saw the Russian continue to hit her. She tried to fight but he was too strong for her. His best friend was defenseless against the man he loved.

Loved? No. He could not love Ivan anymore. He was a monster, just like everyone had said. It was then Gilbert acted. He grabbed the man's wrist, stopping the bloodied pipe from striking again. "I do not want to be with you anymore, Ivan." His voice didn't even sound like his own. "You need to leave. Like Elizabeta said."

Ivan looked shocked. The anger simply disappeared. He nodded once. Turning, he left without a word. Though, what could he have said? He wasn't sorry. He never was.

Gilbert looked to Elizabeta. Her breathing had become labored. If he did not hurry, she would die. Hospitals were too dangerous. No one believed the countries existed. But, Eliza was clever enough to have a doctor in case of emergencies.

After what seemed like an eternity, Gilbert was able to sit by her side. She was not _conscious_ but that did not matter. He would not leave her side until she was. How could he let this happen? How could he be so stupid to believe Ivan actually cared for him. No. Ivan was a monster. He would only continue to hurt him and everyone he cares about. Never again. He refused to let that monster control his life.

He brought Eliza's hand to his mouth, kissing it. "I won't let him do that to you again. I swear on my life, Elizabeta. I am so sorry this happened. I did not know he would hurt you." As he spoke, he cried. The Awesome Gilbert cried. Something he had not done in a long time. She was worth it though. His best friend.

Slowly, he came to realize something. He loved her. He had been to blind before to notice but it finally struck him. Elizabeta had risked her life to ensure his safety. The least he could do was confess his feelings. He could try again. With her. And this time, it would be different.

_**Satisfied and empty inside? Well, that's alright, let's give this another try. It's alright.**_


End file.
